Thursday 14 December 2017

Dan aku akan selalu membanding-bandingkan

1 comments
dengan yang aku tahu
dua
dalam hati aku tahu
ramai
lebih dari apa yang aku tahu

Friday 27 October 2017

"Back To You"

0 comments
(feat. Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals)

[Bebe Rexha:]
I know you say you know me, know me well
But these days I don't even know myself, no
I always thought I'd be with someone else
I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah

I call you but you never even answer
I tell myself I'm done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We're on the ground, we're screaming
I don't know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it
But I keep on coming back to you

[Louis Tomlinson:]
I know my friends they give me bad advice
Like move on, get you out my mind
But don't you think I haven't even tried
You got me cornered and my hands are tied

[Louis Tomlinson & Bebe Rexha:]
You got me so addicted to the drama
I tell myself I'm done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

[Louis Tomlinson:]
Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We're on the ground, we're screaming
I don't know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you

And I guess you'll never know
All the bullshit that you put me through
And I guess you'll never know, no

[Bebe Rexha & Louis Tomlinson:]
Yeah, so you can cut me up and kiss me harder
You can be the pill to ease the pain
'Cause I know I'm addicted to your drama
Baby, here we go again

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We're on the ground, we're screaming
I don't know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
Back to you
I just keep on coming back to you

Tuesday 10 October 2017

LAMN

0 comments
Sayang,

Aku harap kau takkan pernah kenal rasa kecewa...

Tuesday 25 July 2017

Day 1 of Week 39

0 comments
You're no longer tiny. You're 3.6kg.

Tuesday 18 July 2017

#302

0 comments
I wish I can undo this shit
and went to Jogja instead

friends, happiness, in a faraway land
something that I let slip right through my hands

but if I erase everything...
I won't have this little bun, baking

so if I can choose just one thing to keep
it would definitely be this soon-to-be-born kid

#301

0 comments
geram
paha ayam

haih
haih
haih

apa lagi kau mahu
apa lagi ku mampu

lepaskanlah


Friday 30 June 2017

marah-marah sayang part II

0 comments
B rindu dekat sayang
B risau tau pasal sayang

Wednesday 21 June 2017

marah-marah sayang

0 comments
walaupun b marah awak, b tetap sayang
walaupun b kecik hati, b tetap sayang







sorry baby :(

Day 2 of Week 34

0 comments
These few days you didn't really kicked as hard as before. I was worried. 

Went for a scan and you're a bit on the tiny side. So I've decided to stop fasting. Only few days left until eid.

Better safe than sorry.

I can always replace the fasting days but I can never replace you.

You're in breech position. I'm scared. I don't want to be cut. But you're my top priority. If that's what it'll take to get you out safely, I'll just have to be brave for you. Mommy's gonna be strong for you sayang.

Friday 19 May 2017

Day 4 of Week 29

0 comments
I saw you few days ago tiny. Nose just like daddy's. Cute, just like me.

Healthy alhamdulillah. Everything was okay, alhamdulillah. Hopefully you'll be a healthy and happy baby.

I miss you when you didn't kick.

I miss you a lot.

I can't wait to see you. In 9 weeks maybe?

I love you.

Tuesday 11 April 2017

Day 1 of Week 24

0 comments
Tumbling
Tossing
Turning
Tickling

My Tiny not so tiny anymore.

Tuesday 21 March 2017

Day 1 of Week 21

0 comments
My Tiny Tummy

Tiny in my tummy

mummy's gonna work harder for you sayang. mummy's gonna try harder, okay? i love you.

Friday 10 March 2017

Day 4 of Week 19

0 comments
I feel you
Knock knock-ing in my womb
Tumbling

I saw you
Heels crossed
Face closed
Those tiny hips

My Tiny

I miss daddy. I miss you. I love both of you, my babies.

Thursday 23 February 2017

Day 3 of Week 17

0 comments
Feeling a lot better. Gained appetite and weight, 3kg in a month. Got scolded but I hope Tiny's okay.

Are you okay, Tiny? I hope you are. Please be healthy, please be safe, please stay alive, please be well.

Hubs being surprisingly sweet. He bought cashew nuts, dried chickpeas, kurma from Madinah, pack it up in small container for me to snack along the day. Refilled it for me... Thanks baby...

Monday 23 January 2017

Day 7 of Week 12

0 comments
I saw your tiny head
tiny body
tiny feet and hands
tiny beating heart

You are tiny but my love for you is huge. *Our* love for you is beyond everything. Mommy and Daddy loves you, Tiny.

Monday 19 December 2016

Day 7 of Week 7

0 comments
28.11.2016

Found out I'm pregnant. Didn't expect it but it's the surprise I've been waiting for. Alhamdulillah.



14.12.2016

7 weeks 1 day. Blueberry in my tummy.


Current update

Been experiencing:

Morning sickness that lasts all day started a week after I found out. It's really bad, some days I can't eat some kind of food, another day, another food... you're a choosy eater aren't you?

Fatigue, breast tenderness since beginning (before I found out);

Vivid dreams; last night I dream of a baby girl - in shaa Allah, but a boy is okay a boy is super too as long as you're healthy, happy, as long as I can be with you;

Mood swings.


I don't feel so alone now. I am happy. I hope you're okay inside there. Can't wait to experience a lot more things with you. Can't wait to meet you. Already in love with you, baby. Already my top priority. Please be safe, healthy. Take care.

Thursday 3 November 2016

Such a doll

0 comments
I'm so happy you have found your Barbie :)

Tuesday 27 September 2016

gloom

0 comments
false hopes and broken dreams

why me?

Tuesday 6 September 2016

bukan marah

0 comments
i just want to be appreciated.

so, to answer your question, saya tak marah.

kecil hati, yes. it hurts so badly i just want to sleep my life away.

Monday 5 September 2016

empty

0 comments
hati yang kosong adalah hati yang paling berat.

that's what i'm feeling right now. heavily empty.

ReTweet
Surat 016

Tuesday 23 August 2016

that mood

0 comments
i am at that place again. that bitter place filled with hate. i want to die. waking up feeling okay and then remembers something bad something that makes me sad mad and then i want to die again like, God, just let me die. i am already dead inside so please just don't wake me up. please.





i am hurt.

Monday 8 August 2016

Upset

0 comments
I need help. Can't do this alone. Help me, please... will you?

Thursday 4 August 2016

go die

0 comments
you don't own me... and you definitely don't own what's mine.

Thursday 21 July 2016

Incompetent - Woman woes

0 comments
A woman
Daughter
Wife
Partner
house
cars
money
career


No child(ren)
Not (yet) a mother

Incompetent, because I'm not (yet) pregnant.

















Congrats babe.

Tuesday 19 July 2016

Twisted sisters

0 comments
I cried last night. I'm thoroughly and utterly heartbroken. Not sure if it's temporary or permanent but I think I've lost a friend.

I didn't cried like that when I fought with my husband. The last time I felt this way was when he wanted to leave. That was almost two years ago. It's true when they say, losing a friend hurts so bad.

Wednesday 29 June 2016

Married life #1

0 comments
I suck at being (a good) wife. Sorry baby.

Thursday 2 June 2016

month one

0 comments
who am i to you
what are we

what are you thinking about, what is in your mind?
what are you going to do?

do you want to leave. pack your things, and go?
cause i know that is what you will do. because i am thinking about it too.

Tuesday 24 May 2016

Surat 017

0 comments
Kehadapan soulmate

Kehadapan twisted sister

Aku nak kau happy je weyh. Aku nak semua orang happy. He's no good for you but who am I to hold you back from what you're doing now. I'm not a good friend. I let you harm yourself. I didn't stop you. At one point, I even encouraged you. Now you can't stop.

It's so fucking tiring having to listen to the same thing over and over and over again.

One day you're happy, the next day you're a zombie.

It's tiring. I'm sorry. I need a break from your stories.

Yang paling aku takut kalau karma kau berbalik kepada aku.

Nauzubillah! Tuhan, jauhkan keluarga ku dari kecelakaan dan kacau ganggu syaitan.

Aku sayang kau, sahabat. Aku harap kau sayang diri sendiri.

Wednesday 13 April 2016

Backlog: Tuhan tak pernah kejam

0 comments
aku sejenis ingat semua tarikh. bila first message, bila first keluar sama-sama, bila last time kita tak jadi kahwin.

...

tapi kali ni, aku ingat bila tunang je. ye aku dah tunang, but that's besides the point.

aku tak ingat bila dia cakap kat aku yang dia bagitau mak dia nak kahwin bulan 5 and mak dia cakap okay.

aku tak ingat bila aku cakap dengan bapak aku yang aku nak kahwin dengan dia bulan 5 and bapak aku cakap okay.

stress, tak ingat. stress sangat. kenapalah kali ni aku tak ingat...

probably because, i don't want to think about it before it happens. i really don't want to. dah tiga kali try, tiga kali tak jadi. so kali ni aku malas nak ingat. tapi bila dah nak jadi ni, menyesal pulak tak take note.

langsung takde tweet something meaningful, or mark dekat calendar. langsung tak ada.

takpelah ek. asalkan jadi. asalkan langsung. 18 hari lagi in sha Allah. mohon dipermudahkan.

oh and ada orang komen aku gelojoh bila tiba-tiba aku cakap aku nak kahwin. masa tu akhir bulan dua kot. padahal kalau bulan satu kau tanya aku bila aku nak kahwin aku cuma mampu cakap, "doakan" "entahlah" "takde plan".

bukan gelojoh kawan. tapi kalau kita dah plan, plan, plan tak menjadi... takkan Tuhan punya plan kita nak tolak? rancangan Dia lah yang paling baik. Dia lah yang tahu apa yang patut untuk kita. Dia dah tolong, kenalah bersyukur. persetankan plan nak tengok movie every week, nak pergi cafe baru selalu-selalu, nak travel around south east asia tahun ni. yang satu ni dah lama aku tunggu. yang satu ni Tuhan dah rancang untuk aku.

***

Alhamdulillah untuk hari ke 17 bergelar isteri. Semoga berjodoh ke akhir hayat kami.

Monday 4 April 2016

#iwish

0 comments
I wish I can tell you something about what's going on right now, but I want to wait until it happens. Pray for me.

"Always You"

0 comments

I wait in the rain but I don’t complain 'cause I wait for you
And I don’t feel pain, you’re like Novocaine, and I got you

It was always you
It was always you

Time and again I thought that the end was just around the bend
But you showed me there’s more, I got more in store, and you got me

It was always you
It was always you

- Ingrid Michaelson

Friday 13 November 2015

27

0 comments
i don't think you remember our conversation
but it was on my mind the night I turned 27

Tuesday 3 November 2015

#300

0 comments
suddenly,
i'm back at twenty-two
back at missing you.

Wednesday 28 October 2015

Almost 3

0 comments
It's crazy. I try to recall the times we had our fall outs. Maybe 10 times in (almost) three years. The love is strong though. Still strong. Still fall for him on a daily basis. Still him in my mind all the time. Every decision I'm making, I'll ask myself (if not him, directly) whether he will approve. What I wear, read, places I want to go, tickets I'm intending to book.

And while I was typing this, his workplace called. Asking for confirmation on my salary and stuff for my loan application.

I am not exaggerating when I say I love him more than my soul.

"Settle Down"

0 comments
Take me out of this phase,
I'm reaching a point I can't even erase
all of the memories now,
please let me loose somehow

You're driving me crazy
but all I can do is just put up a smile
it's going to take me a while
for now
But how do I heal my soul
cos it feels so old

But would you,
Settle Down,
Settle Down,
With me now and Forever
Settle Down,
Settle Down,
With me now and Forever

I've been taken aback by the coldness I've got from you
tell me is it true that I've been nothing at all
But I hold you tight and have a walk in that park we've loved,
but the conversation is dry
oh my god i'm trying to keep you in love
But baby come back come back to me

Would you,
Settle Down,
Settle Down,
With me now and Forever
Settle Down,
Settle Down,
With me now and Forever

Would you love me, would you (settle down)
Would you love me, would you (settle down, please)
Would you love me, would you x4

Settle down,
Settle down,
With me now and forever
Settle down,
Settle down,
Now, forever

- Gentle Bones

"Stand By You"

0 comments
Hands
Put your empty hands in mine
And scars
Show me all the scars you hide
And hey, if your wings are broken
Please take mine so yours can open too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes
And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I
And love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine so yours can open too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
Yeah, you're all I never knew I needed
And the heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating
And love, if your wings are broken
We can brave through those emotions too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you
And oh, truth, I guess truth is what you believe in
And faith, I think faith is having a reason
And I know my love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine so yours can open too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
I'll be your eyes 'till yours can't shine
And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite
Now when you can't rise, well, I'll cry with you on hands and knees
(Cause I) Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you
Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you
Love, you're not alone
I'm gonna stand by you
(Even if we can't find heaven, heaven, heaven)
Yeah, I'm gonna stand by you

- Rachel Platen

Thursday 22 October 2015

"Never Forget You"

0 comments
[Zara Larsson:]
I used to be so happy
But without you here I feel so low
I watched you as you left but I can never seem to let you go
'Cause once upon a time you were my everything
It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing
It's bury deep inside me but I feel there's something you should know

I'll never forget you
And you'll always be by my side
From the day that I met you
I knew that I would love you till the day I die
And I will never want much more
And in my heart I will always be sure
I will never forget you
And you'll always be by my side till the day I die

Till the day I die...

[MNEK:]
Funny how we both end happy but everything seems alright
I wonder what will happen
If we went back and put up a fight
'Cause once upon a time you were my everything
It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing
So what in this world do you think could ever take you off my mind

[Zara Larsson:]
I'll never forget you
And you'll always be by my side
From the day that I met you
I knew that I would love you till the day I die
And I will never want much more
And in my heart I will always be sure
I will never forget you
And you'll always be by my side till the day I die

[Both:]
Doing it, loving it
Everything that we do
And all along, I knew I had something special with you
But sometimes you just gotta know that these things fall through
But I'm still tired and I can't hide my connection with you

Feeling it, loving it
Everything that we do
And all along, I knew I had something special with you
But sometimes you just gotta know that these things fall through
I can't hide my connection with you

I'll never forget you
And you'll always be by my side
From the day that I met you
I knew that I would love you till the day I die
And I will never want much more
And in my heart I will always be sure
That I will never forget you
And you'll always be by my side till the day I die

Till the day I die...

I'll never forget you...

Till the day I die.

- Zara Larsson (feat. Mnek)

Monday 12 October 2015

"Setia"

0 comments
Selamat pagi sayang ku
Apa khabar diri mu
Maafkan andai mengganggu lena mu

Andai pernah melukakan
Maafkan ku tak sengaja
Harus kau dan aku selalu bicara

Kau tahu kau satunya
Ku mahu kita selamanya

Kau dan aku mungkin tak sempurna
Kau dan aku tahu takkan mudah
Kau dan aku mahukan sempurna
Kau dan aku mengharap bahagia

Setia aku demi diri mu
Setia aku hanya pada mu

Andai hati mu berubah
Pasti ku cuba fahami
Tetap ku melangkah terus berani

Kau tahu kau satunya
Ku mahu kita selamanya
Kau dan aku mungkin tak sempurna

Kau dan aku tahu tak semudah
Kau dan aku mahukan sempurna
Kau dan aku mengharap bahagia

Setia aku demi diri mu
Setia aku hanya pada mu

Terima seadanya
Perbezaan kau dan aku

Biar pun apa saja
Ku percaya kau setia
Kau dan aku mengharap bahagia
Setia aku demi diri mu
Setia aku hanya pada mu
Setia ku demi diri mu
Setia ku hanya pada mu
Selamat pagi sayang ku
Apa khabar diri mu

- Elizabeth Tan feat. Faizal Tahir

Monday 31 August 2015

You

0 comments
Jangan tinggalkan saya
Mana ada






Lepas ni tak payah jumpa sampai bila-bila. Tak payah whatsapp saya. Jangan paksa saya.
Kalau itu yang awak nak, okay.

-

Tak sampai satu jam. Hati dah berubah. Apa awak nak, awak dah dapat. Saya dah cuba puaskan hati awak, apa saja asalkan awak bahagia. Pengorbanan saya tak cukup menggembirakan awak? Okay, saya redha. Tak mahu saya ada dengan awak lagi? Okay. Saya terima.

Sedih... Tapi saya dah tak mampu. Semua yang saya boleh bagi, saya dah bagi. Tak ada apa yang tinggal lagi. Kalau selama ni saya pujuk rayu, kali ni saya simpan maruah saya. Cukuplah selama ni saya rendahkan ego.

I love you but I need to love myself too.

Saturday 11 July 2015

Bitter

0 comments
I have been wining and dining at gerai tepi jalan, kedai tomyam, and mamak restaurants for the past two months. Occasionally something pricier when I'm feeling fancy. I'm going bankrupt. I have been whining a lot too. 

I'm in a bitter stage right now. People can tell me a happy news and I'll be like "Reallyokay." 

I'm bitter af.

"Like I'm Gonna Lose You"

0 comments

I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

[John Legend:]
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

Let's take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow

[Both:]
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Hey
Whoa

I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Wednesday 10 June 2015

"Earned It"

0 comments
You know our love would be tragic
So you don't pay it no mind
We live with no lies
You're my favourite kind of night

- The Wknd

ReTweet

0 comments
Your happiness is depressing.

"Sampai Mati"

0 comments
Walau bibir merungkapkan kasih
Mata merasa yang sebaliknya
Wahai jiwa andai kau mampu bicara
Beritahuku isi hatimu

Dan detak jantungku menahan
Arah dan jalan
Agar kita kan bersama

Andai dunia hancur binasa
Ku kan setia sampai mati cintaku
Takkan berserah
Takkan ku mengalah hingga kau buat diriku
Takhta dihati mu


Ku terlihat lagu dan curiga
Diselimutkan satu senyuman
Tanda tanya selamanya menghantui
Oh apa dirimu mahukan aku
Dan biarkan cerita lama
Terpadam sudah
Agar kita kan bersama

Andai dunia hancur binasa
Ku kan setia sampai mati cintaku
Takkan berserah
Takkan ku mengalah hingga kau buat diriku
Takhta dihati mu

Janganlah sesali perjalanan ini
Adakalanya seakan gelita
Setiap saat tabahku berdoa
Cinta kita sampai syurga

- Hazama

Monday 30 March 2015

rapuh

0 comments
it has been seven months. i'm crumbling away. everyday, a tiny piece of me dies. until my last breath. baby, i will love you until the end.

Friday 27 March 2015

bitter banter

0 comments
Lately, I'm always reminded of my failure. It is so heartbreaking. You wouldn't know because you're too busy shoving your happy ass faces to everyone. Selfish bitches.

Friday 6 March 2015

Dekat di hati

0 comments
sambil makan karipap kentang dua biji dan tahan nak buang air kecil sebab malas nak pergi toilet, saya merindui awak

saya merindui awak, sambil makan karipap kentang dua biji dan tahan nak buang air kecil sebab malas nak pergi toilet

Thursday 12 February 2015

"Until The End Of Time"

0 comments
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

- Justin Timberlake

Tuesday 10 February 2015

Cheated

0 comments
How should I handle this? So he lied. What should I do? Wait until he confess? Leave without hearing any explanation first (as if he will admit whatever he did behind my back)? I love him, but I love myself too. My friends been in this situation before. They survived. I will survive too, I hope.

Friday 23 January 2015

"Surrender"

0 comments
If you hold me now and leave me never,
Say you’ll stay with me forever
Then I surrender, surrender
If you hold me now and leave me never,
Say you’ll stay with me forever
Then I surrender

- Cash Cash